Looks like The Onion has some competition. Not the LA Times has the scoop on the recession’s impact in heaven. Key quote:
The result has been a series of afterlife cutbacks, including angel layoffs, outsourcing prayer requests to a call center in India, and replacing the long tunnel and bright light that people encounter after dying with a sewer pipe and compact fluorescent bulb. Even the thermostat in Hell has been dialed down to a balmy 85 degrees to control energy costs.
All religions have been affected:
• Muslim martyrs expecting to spend eternity with 72 virgins will now have to make do with inflatable dolls.
• Dead Mormons hoping to rule their own planets in the hereafter will instead be given control of a time-share planet for two weeks a year.